Chapter 30 Chris/Molly
She doesn’t change her face and does not react to what I say, yet I had expected it. And I continue:Contentt bel0ngs to N0ve/lDrâ/ma.O(r)g!
”And I don’t want every time you look at me you think back to that piece of shit, I mean, your ex, and think that somehow I thought you were an idiot for being betrayed by him and not realizing it. And I would also like to make it clear that at all times, I thought it wasn’t enjoyable to see what he did to you.”
She then cuts me off before I can continue:
”Then why didn’t you do anything?”
”Like what? Tell you? You would never believe me, and you hated me every time I said he was a jerk.”
She looks at me, still breathing deeply. I think she’s thinking about everything I said.
Then she says:
”That doesn’t make you any better to me.”
I don’t like what she said, but I know she’s not saying this just because I didn’t warn her about her fiancé’s cheating. She includes everything, how I treated her when I met her, the times I acted and talked to her like an asshole, in short, everything.
So I answer:
”Okay.”
”But…”
I like them but.
I let it go on because I like how she looks at me.
”I think we can put this behind us. You can stop trying to be nice to me because I know this is hard for you, and it’s eating you up inside.”
I end up laughing. I think Molly laughs too but then becomes serious again:
”So can we forget about this, Chris, and go back to our everyday lives and bed?”
I liked hearing what she said, and I wanted to imagine that she was inviting me to her bed even more.
Then I say:
”I’d love to.”
She rolls her eyes.
”You know I mean you in your bed and me in mine.”
”It still works. ‘Sext, I love it, give me your number. Oh wait, you already have mine.”
She says:
”Check it out. You’re back, and it’s been a while.”
She walks over to me and pushes me from behind toward the door. I turn around and say:
”Don’t forget the nudes.”
I hear her laughing and realize that she loves to see me act like this with her.
I stop as soon as we reach the door and say:
”Thanks for the conversation at 1:30 in the morning. I don’t know, and I think things will be better now.”
She nods.
”Yes”
Then I turn to the door. But I stopped, closed my eyes for a moment, and realized I didn’t come here to talk to Molly.
I turn around and say:
”Just one more thing…”
She goes to roll her eyes again, but I go to her, grab her waist, pull her closer to me, and kiss her.
I like her body next to mine, and I like that she is kissing me back after the scare. I just don’t like how I missed her mouth.
So warm, soft, sexy, wet…
I pull away from her. After all, this time, I’m the one who hasn’t had sex for a long time.
We’re looking at each other, and she’s a little perplexed. I’m not amused. I think she still doesn’t quite understand what happened.
She doesn’t seem to understand that I go crazy when I’m near her and that 90% of my thoughts since I got here since I saw her earlier today have been about how to get her this way and in other ways.
I close my eyes again because it is already becoming apparent.
I say:
”If you don’t want to have sex with someone, don’t wear an outfit like that to bed.”
She stares at me, still not understanding what I mean.
I open the door and go back to my apartment.
Yeah, I think I will have another five-on-one session because of Molly.
… Molly…
I’m still standing in the place he left. I guess I’m still awestruck too.
What the hell was that all?
I should tell him that I would forget about everything, that I wouldn’t care about Colin-related matters anymore and leave everything behind.
Then he would go back to acting like the asshole he always was, and everything would be fine, and everything was going according to plan.
But where did he get the idea to kiss me after we had settled everything?
I won’t deny that I didn’t think about it when I opened the door and saw him standing there looking at me.
But I made sure to make it clear to my mind that it was crazy and to keep quiet, so I did everything I could to make him leave.
At least this way, I would have more time to prepare myself to talk to him without having to keep trying to control my instincts.
As soon as he left for New York, a few days after thinking a lot about what had happened, I realized that much of what he said made sense.
I shouldn’t have been so cruel to him and said it was his fault. I know he could have told me, and I wish he had, but I also know that maybe I didn’t want to hear the truth.
He asked me to call him, I even dialed the numbers a few times, but I didn’t complete the call. If I had done that, I would have had the courage to say things that I can’t when he is around, and maybe I would even admit at some point that I have a crush on him.
And this isn’t good to admit even to myself.
I also realized this when I started to miss him and even his ironies and way of annoying me.
Damn it, and I can’t believe I’m thinking about this again.
I will never admit this to him, even though I know that he doesn’t even care that much about me.