Holding on to you

Breathe, just breathe.Copyright Nôv/el/Dra/ma.Org.

FLASHBACK

“You can’t make me, you can’t make! I’m too young, I’m not ready… please!”

Why is he doing this to me? I was finding it hard to understand why he’s willing to go through something so permanent, something so serious just to prove a point to me.

“Do we have to go over the rules again, Red.”

I looked at him like he was freaking out of his dark perverted mind. He was going ‘to force me to tie myself to him forever with no hope of ever escaping. How the hell can he live with himself? How can he live with the fact that I’ll always hate him if he makes me go through with his insane plan? Everything, all of what he did to me and keeps doing came crashing to the surface and I got pissed, really pissed.

“F**k your rules, Killian! You’re a psycho f**ker with the blackest heart, and you can’t see past your nose to care about the feelings of others. You’re like aids, you hide in the shadows and feed on the life force of your victims. You present a sweet face and It’s all hot and steamy until your victim realize that you’ve f**ked them over and left them to die, whiles you search for someone else to kill.”

With every word I spoke the coldness in his eyes escalated, he looked at me with absolute hatred, but I didn’t care. I wasn’t going to be a pushover for him any longer. Someone needed to let him know that he couldn’t go around acting like he owned the world and everyone in it.

He took a step closer to me, the look in his eyes telling me that I was going to regret every last letter that came out of my mouth, but I lifted my head and held my own against him.

We were outside an old stone building that looked like it used to be an orphanage in the old days but was converted into a house. It was dark but the street light illuminated us making us visible to all that was passing by and those who were watching threw their windows wondering why we were shouting.

“You’re right,”

He said, grabbing a fist full of my hair. I bit my lips and taste blood as I tried not to show him that I was in pain. Very roughly he pushed me up against the side of the house. I saw a few people stop what they were doing to watch but no one spoke up or stepped in to stop him.

“I am a f**king psycho with a black heart.”

His hand reach for the front of my top before I could stop him and before I knew it the shirt was ripped open at the front. I gasped at him and try to cover myself, but he captured my hand and pinned them over my head. I couldn’t believe what he was doing and in public for that matter. I was stunned into silence.

“And I don’t give two f**ks about anyone else’s feelings. So, don’t feel too bad if I decide to take you hard and fast right here for everyone to see because I’m like Aids, I infect everything that I touch and right now I’ve got the strongest urge to infect you.”

END OF FLASHBACK

“It’s going to be ok, Lilly. It’s not as bad as it seems just look at the bright side, try to find a silver lining it all of it.

I wanted to be mad at her, but I knew it would’ve been unfair because she’s not the one who messed my life up. I couldn’t hate her for being related to that monster.

“What bright side, Kinsley? What silver lining? I hate him, he’s evil and uncaring and all he thinks about is himself. I hate him so much that I hope he dies!”

She gave me a sad look that was full of pity. I didn’t want her pity, I just wanted to run as far away from her brother as my feet can carry me, but I couldn’t. I had to think about my family and what’s best for them.

“You don’t mean that, Lilly.”

I give her a serious look.

“Oh, but I do. I really, really do.”

FLASHBACK

“Just sign your name here and here and we’re done.”

I loosen my grip on the pen and signed my name. everything was a blank to me, I was treating it all like a bad dream that I was sure to wake up from, and if it’s a dream that means it all fake, It’s not real.

“That’s it, congratulations Mr and Mrs Black, I hope your life together is a long and happy one.”

Everything around me was like a blur, it was like I was having an out of body experience. I was aware of what was happening but it felt like I wasn’t there, like I was floating looking at myself thinking, that can’t be me.

Killian grabbed hold of my hand and helped me stand when he noticed that I wasn’t moving. I can’t say what my emotions were because at that moment I felt void of any, I just didn’t care anymore.

My bag was clutched tightly in my left and my right hand was held just as tight by Killian. He said something to the man that helped him to seal my fate, but I just stood there staring blankly into space. It wasn’t long before we were leaving the building and going back to the car and off to the airport.

I know I should be happy to be going to Paris, but at that moment, I hate the place and everything about it. People call it the city of love, I call it the city where dreams and hope go to die. The long drive was done in silence and I was grateful because I wasn’t in no mood to make conversation, polite or otherwise.

When the car pulled up at the airport I sat there unmoving. Killian walked around to my side and opened the door, he offered me his hand and I just glared at him. Sighing like I was little more than a nuisance, he leaned in and grabbed my elbow, pulling me out of the car.

I glared at him, but it didn’t seem to bother him and I wanted to stomp my feet and protest like a child.

“Come on, Red we’ve got a flight to catch.”

He started walking me to the entrance of the airport and that’s when it all started to sink in. when we were inside I pulled my hand away from him and harshly whispered.

“I hate you.”

He stepped closer to me and laughed like what I was saying was the most amusing thing that he’s ever heard.

“Says your mouth, but your body… now that’s a whole other story.”

And to prove his point he put his hand around my waist and pulled me to him while stroking my face with his other hand. A shiver ran through me from his touch and a smile appeared on his lips. He leaned down and kissed me slow and sensually, making me groaned and press myself closer to him. my traitorous body was giving in to him too easily.

He pulled away and a look of triumph was all over his face. I wanted to wipe it off so badly that I said the first thing that came to my mind.

“So my body is a whore, that doesn’t prove anything, I bet if I kissed the devil I’d react the same way if he was hot. Just because my treacherous body reacted to you doesn’t mean that I like you, because I don’t. I hate you, Killian Black, I regret the day I asked for your help. You ruin my life, there’s nothing more you can do to me that will hurt me.”

I felt proud of myself for standing up to him once and for all, and even when he grabbed my bag out of my hand and dragged me back out of the airport with his sister following mutely behind us, I didn’t give a damn.

For a long time, he just stood there staring at me, I could see that he was losing control of his anger. A menacing look appeared on his face and he broke into a smirk. When the calculated look came into his eyes I started to feel like I pushed him too far, but still, I never let it show.

Needless to say, I knew I went over the top when he starting rifling through my handbag. I give him a suspicious look when I saw what he had in his hands.

“W-what are you going to do with that?”

I lost all of my boldness because the look on his face just looked downright evil and deceitful.

“What was that you were saying? There’s nothing more I can do to hurt you because I’ve already ruined your life?”

“Killian, NO!”

I felt my heart dropped to the bottom of my shoe as he took my birth control pills and threw them in the bin. I looked at him with a horrified expression, how could he be so cruel and so evil? Why does he hate me so much?

Feeling defeated I looked away as the tears started to fall.

END OF FLASHBACK

“I’ll be there when you tell your parents, you don’t have to worry about anything, I’ll be there with you all the way.”

I sighed and nodded my head. It’s been half an hour since I’ve been sitting outside my parents’ house, dreading what I was being forced to tell them. From the moment we landed at the airport, returning from Paris, Killian announced that he wasn’t going to act like I wasn’t his anymore, he wanted everyone to know that my last name is Black and that included my parents.

After dropping all the bags back to his house, he got a phone call and had to leave. He didn’t tell me where he was going, just that he was going to make good on his part of the deal, and that I should leave with Kinsley but wait for him before I tell my family about us.

To be honest, I didn’t want to go into my house without him, because I know that if I do my parents will get the truth out of me. However, with Killian there, he would take the responsibility of answering their questions away from me.

Five more minutes of waiting in the car and I saw Killian’s Mustang pulled up alongside his sister’s Bug.

“He’s here, are you ready?”

I shook my head, feeling my nerves bundled up like a ball of twine.

“No, I’m never gonna be ready for this.”

I exited the car as he started to walk toward it. Without saying a word, he offered me his hand and I took. I might hate him, but I need all the support I can get in order to face my family. It’s going to kill me to see the disappointment and hurt in their faces.

As we reached the door I heard voices, and I smiled because I knew that it was movie night, and they were huddled up on the sofas fighting to pick the movie of the night.

Steeling myself and blowing out a nerves breath, I turned the knob on the door and walked in. All the talking stopped as they turned to stare at me, I saw them smile and watched as it was replaced with confusion. My father looked from me to Killian then to our adjoined hands then my mother and my brother follow suit.

“Lilly, what the hell is going on?”

The authority in my dad’s voice made me cringe, but I knew that Killian wasn’t moved by it.

“Mom, Dad,” I swallowed, “I’d like you to meet my, um… my…”

“Husband, I think she’s trying to say her husband.”