Forbidden Desire

I woke up in the hospital, feeling disoriented.

“Jane?”

“Hoojin? What happened? Where am I?”

He sat beside me, his touch comforting as he held my hand and stroked my forehead. I noticed he was now wearing a white coat, not the suit he had on before.

“You passed out at the party. Jason was really worried and said you’d been feeling unwell for a few days. So, we brought you to the hospital for some tests.”

A pang of pain hit me as I remembered seeing him kissing Jinhee, and a tear rolled down my cheek.

“Where is he?”

“I made him stay in the waiting room so we could run all the tests. But he seemed really anxious.”

I stared at my fingers, feeling embarrassed.

“Sorry for ruining your party.”

“Hey, it’s nothing. I didn’t even want to go anyway.”

He smiled at me, and I tried to return it, but my smile was weak today. I attempted to get out of bed, but dizziness overwhelmed me, and Hoojin looked concerned.

“Hey, you need to rest a bit. At least until we get the test results and make sure there’s nothing serious going on. Now, tell me what you’ve been feeling.”

“It’s nothing major, just some dizziness, nausea.”

He raised an eyebrow, and I panicked.

“What? Is it something serious?”

He smiled reassuringly, and I let out a sigh of relief.

“Let’s wait for the tests. By the way, I’ll check on them at the lab.”

I nodded, and watched him leave. My mind was haunted by images of Jason and Jinhee together, and I knew there was only one path I could take. I would set him free, let him be happy with the woman he loved. Even considering the possibility of letting him go was enough to shatter me, but I couldn’t keep pushing, not after what I saw today. I couldn’t control my tears, and I knew they would be my only companions from now on. As I looked around, I realized I was alone. My gaze fixed on the ceiling, hoping for some magical answer. I didn’t know what to do, and I felt more lost than ever before.

A few minutes later, Hoojin entered the room again, and I could sense his concern as he saw me struggling to breathe. He swiftly placed a mask over my face and turned on a nebulizer, which helped regulate my breathing. Removing the mask, I couldn’t stop the tears.

“Jane, you can’t keep spiraling like this… I know it was tough to see what you saw today, but I truly believe it didn’t mean anything. I shouldn’t be defending him, but I saw his despair when he saw you faint. To get him to release you, I had to call hospital security, and he was crying more than you were. He never left your side.”

“Then why did I feel so alone tonight?”

He sat beside me, taking a deep breath.

“Maybe this news will cheer you up because you’ll never be alone again.”

I looked at him, puzzled, as he smiled gently.

“Jane, I got your test results…”

“Oh my God… Is it serious?”

“No, Jane, you don’t have any illness… You’re pregnant!”

I stared at him, completely stunned.

“You’re two weeks pregnant and feeling unwell because you haven’t been eating well. In the early months of pregnancy, the baby needs many nutrients to develop, and that’s why you’ve been feeling unwell…”

He continued speaking, but I couldn’t process any information. My mind was swirling with thoughts, and I felt powerless. Unintentionally, my hands moved to my belly, which still showed no sign of growth, and I couldn’t help but think how irresponsible I had been. I had let myself be carried away by his desire to be a father, wanting so much to fulfill his dream that I didn’t stop to think for a moment about how unstable our relationship was.

“I’ll tell Jason he can come in and…”

I grabbed his arm, my voice pleading.

“Please don’t tell him…”

“What? Why?”

“I just… I need some time… Please…”

He looked at me for a moment, then nodded.

“Well, regardless, you’re discharged now. You need to come back in two weeks for prenatal care, and I’ll prescribe some vitamins for you. As long as you eat well and take the vitamins, everything will be fine.”

He got up to leave, but I held his hand, making him look at me.

“Dr… Hoojin… Thank you! For everything…”

He smiled and nodded before leaving. I hid the test results and prescription in my bag, staring at the ceiling as if expecting some magical answer to come from it. I didn’t know what to do and felt more lost than ever. After a few minutes, Jason entered the room with Hoojin, almost as if a hurricane had swept in. He rushed to me, enveloping me in his arms and lifting me off the ground. He hugged me tightly, and I couldn’t react as he began kissing every part of my face frantically, tears streaming down his face.

“My God, I was so worried…”

I could see the relief on his face as he seemed to examine every inch of me, making sure I was okay. He cupped my face in his hands and kissed me again before pulling me into a tight hug, so tight it made me want to cry. He was clearly desperate, but I knew it wasn’t out of love. It couldn’t be…

“Dr, what’s wrong with her?”

Hoojin looked at me for a moment, and I practically begged him with my eyes not to say anything. Then he shrugged and smiled.

“It’s nothing serious. She just needs to eat better and take the vitamins I prescribed.”

I felt Jason breathe a sigh of relief, and he looked at me again, wiping away some lingering tears.

“Can I take her home now?”

“Yes! She’s already discharged, but I recommend she rest and try to get a good night’s sleep.”

“Thank you, Doctor.”

“No problem. Goodbye, Jane, and remember, if you need anything, don’t hesitate to reach out.”

I nodded, and I could tell Jason wasn’t happy, but he had no grounds to argue at the moment. He supported me as we walked, and we left the hospital slowly. He opened the car door for me, helping me in, and then closed it, circling the car to get in himself. I stared ahead, avoiding his eyes, and after some time, I heard him sigh before his gentle voice filled the car.

“Jane, about what you saw earlier…”

I covered my face with my hands, not having the strength for that conversation right now.

“Jason, please… I’m not physically or mentally capable of having this conversation right now… Please, just take me home.”

I couldn’t bring myself to look at him, just kept staring ahead, avoiding his eyes. After a moment, I heard him sigh, and then the car started moving. A light rain began to fall, and I focused on the raindrops running down the window, as if they were carrying away the melancholy I now carried in my chest. I had so many questions for which I had no answers, no strength even to cry anymore.

I didn’t have the strength to look at him, so I just kept staring ahead, avoiding his eyes. After a while, I heard him sigh, and soon the driver started the car. A light rain began to fall, and I focused only on the raindrops streaming down the window, as if carrying the melancholy that now weighed heavy on my chest. I had so many questions swirling in my mind that I had no answers to, and I didn’t even have the energy to cry anymore.

“Jason intertwined our hands as soon as we got into the car, and we remained like that for the entire journey, but not a word was spoken. The ride home never felt so short, or maybe I was just so lost in my thoughts that I didn’t notice the time passing. I got out of the car without waiting for anyone’s help and simply went up the stairs, entering the house and then making my way to the bedroom. I kicked off my shoes and stripped down to my lingerie, opting for a comfortable pajama. I went to the bathroom, removing all that makeup, then stepped into the hot water, hoping it would wash away my troubles, but it didn’t.”

“Unconsciously, my hands went to my belly, which still had no noticeable bump, and I couldn’t help but think that regardless of what happened, I would do everything to ensure this child had all the love in the world, even if it were just me and him or her. I was so lost in my own thoughts that I jumped when I felt Jason’s hands roaming over my body. I felt him hugging me, pressing his body against mine, and I simply had no reaction. He turned me to face him, and I could see he was undressed.”

He pulled me closer, planting a kiss on my lips, but for the first time, I couldn’t reciprocate. There was a lump in my throat, and I couldn’t help it; before I knew it, I was crying.

“‘Hey… No, please don’t cry… Look, I know I messed up, but please forgive me. I didn’t…’

‘Jason, I just asked one thing of you… I don’t want to talk about this today. I don’t want… I can’t, Jason.’

‘Please, I don’t want to go to bed mad at you… Please don’t refuse me, please…’

He approached me again, pressing me against the shower wall, and demanded my lips once more, but I couldn’t bring myself to kiss him and pretend that nothing had happened.

‘Jason… No…’Nôvel(D)rama.Org's content.

He trailed his kisses down my neck to my breasts, and I had no reaction.

‘Please… I need this to know that we’re okay.’

I couldn’t control myself anymore, and before I realized it, I was practically pushing him away.

‘You want to know if we’re okay, Jason? We’re not! You spent the night laughing, joking, dancing, and even kissing someone else.’

‘Jane…’

‘Actually, not someone else, because that someone is me.’

‘No! Of course not.’

‘Jason, we’ll talk later, when I’m more clear-headed, when I can close my eyes and not be haunted by the images of you two kissing, when I’ve had time to think about all of this… Then, maybe… When that happens, we might be okay… But not today… Today, I can’t pretend that everything’s fine.'”