FIFTY FOUR
“Are you ok?” Ley asked me so I nod at her. “Are you sure?” she looks worried so I smile giving her an assurance that I am ok. I need to let her know that I am ok.
“I’m tired and I want to get rest. A lot has happened and I want to rest,” I replied.
“Fine, but if you need something just call me.” I opened the car door to get out when Eugene called me.
“Ashley, wait.” I stopped then looked at him while waiting for what he would say next. “You can stay with Hailey for the meantime while Nana is a way,” He suggested.
“I can handle myself, Euge, thank you. Don’t mind me because I am ok. Asher and I are ok?” Then I smiled at them. Smile that I want to convey that I’m ok.
“Really?” they both asked.
“Yeah, we’re ok and reconciled, we are planning to fix things between us. Actually, I am planning to bring him to Charles but this happened,” I said while smiling. “I will take a rest and I will meet him, or I can call him.”
“If that so, then I guess we don’t need to worry too much,” Ley said.
“Hmph,”
“But don’t hesitate to call if you need us,” Eugene said.
“Sure, I will. Thank you,” I said then went down but remained standing outside. “Thank you for all the help. For everything.”
“No worries, just call us if you need anything,”
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“I will, Ley,”
“Ok then, we will leave,” she said so I nodded.
When they left, I did not enter first. I am thinking that maybe Asher is inside and angrily waiting to punish me. But I think, we’re ok so that’s impossible. Besides, he no longer has the key because he has already returned it to me.
I opened the door with the light on and smiled. There is no sign of him. Maybe she and Paula are together now. Maybe he came back to me and when he saw that I was gone and left him again he went with Paula.
I sit on the sofa and remember what happened yesterday and today in my life. It’s only been more than 24 hours but the amount that has happened is not good for me. My World almost collapsed and I was swallowed up by loneliness. Paula added to my thoughts.
Because of what Hunter did to her sister she ordered someone to rape me and planned to kill me. And also because she already likes Asher. She managed to separate us and now she also managed to get my husband because he was carrying my husband’s child. I am a wife but Asher has no obligation to me. But for her, she carries my husband’s blood and flesh. She is more entitled now than I am.
Well, if she thinks that she got my husband permanently because she got pregnant well she is wrong because I know once I make my plan my husband will come back to me. She will still be left behind because I will still be the one he will choose.
I will be selfish at this time. In my own way.
What sin have I committed to makes all this happen to me? At no time did I think to hurt the feelings of others. Yes, I may be a bitch, but I never hurt people because I don’t want that to happen to me. But here I am, suffering, and now, I thought it was ok, I lost something, it was followed by the fact that I knew the real reason for my suffering.
Did I deserve it? Do I have to go through all this?
I am tired, my body and mind were exhausted. I’m tired of dealing with things that I don’t like. I’m tired of suffering that after all, I’m not at fault. Why me? I’m not as strong as others. Why is this happening to me? Why do I have to suffer over and over again?
All I want is happiness and peace of mind and heart. Quiet life with my loved ones. With my husband.
I headed to the medicine pouch then took five sedatives. It is a sin to commit suicide so I will flee the World in the way I know. I’m getting tired of dealing with the pain I’m just experiencing over and over again. I don’t want to fight with trouble and suffering because I always lose. I am tired of all the problems and suffering that I always carry and the future instead of peace.
Holding the five sedatives I just stared at it. I don’t want to but I need to. This is the only way I know so I won’t get hurt again.
I drink five sedatives at once then took a deep breath and closed my eyes. In just a few moments I could see a lot of images. Voices that are simultaneously heard. Past that I don’t want to go back to but why is that? Why did my spirit take me to the past that I don’t want to go back to?
“Stop!” I shouted then covered my ears because their shouting got louder.
I shook my head to make the voices disappear.
Why is it like this?
I don’t like it. This is not what I want.
I could hear laughter and giggles as they surrounded me.
“Stop!” I shouted again.
The door opened and a man entered.
“Kranky?” What is he doing here? Why is he here? Will he do anything bad to me again? I thought he would never show up to me again but why did he follow me? Will he repeat what he did so he is here?
“Get out!” I shouted to drive him away. “GO!” Why does he want to touch me? Did Paula pay her again to kill me because she wanted to marry my husband?
“Ashley,” he called my name.
“What else do you need?”
“Ashley, calm down,”
“Don’t come any closer!” I shouted when I saw him step closer to me.
I rolled my eyes and looked for something I could use to protect myself when two people entered also.
No, it is not possible.
Why are they all here?
They will hurt me again?
Aren’t gonna finish to abused me?
I will not allow them to do what they did to me again.
I saw the three of them talking but I couldn’t understand. I am sure they are planning for me something. They want to do something to me again. They are planning something bad again. I hope I just go with Ley so I don’t see them here. I was afraid of them and had to do something to protect myself.
“Ashley,” Kranky called to me again.
No, it is not possible. They cannot succeed in what they are planning. I will not allow what they want to happen. They will not succeed this time because I will fight them.
I reached for the mirror on my side then broke it and took a small piece. I pointed the tip of the mirror at my neck. I would rather die than have them reclaim my body.
“I will not let you hurt me again. I have already suffered from the cruelty you did to me. So I will not let you rape me and abuse me!”
No.
Suicide is a sin and I don’t want to sin. But how can I escape them? They must not get me because they will only abuse my body.
I had to run away. I need to be able to leave.
All I had to do was run away.
That’s right, I’ll run.
I will run to a far place where they will not follow me. I will hide without anyone seeing me.
At the thought, I suddenly laughed and went around looking for a hiding place.
I don’t know but I laugh to think that I can escape them too.
I let go of the mirror then ran. I feel like my body is not moving but I can see that I have run far. From the light goes to a dark place.
I didn’t look back and just kept running until I saw a house. I turned around and I couldn’t see them anymore.
“Ashley!” shout when anyone so I entered the house and looked for hiding. I saw a room and quickly opened it. It’s dark here so I’ll hide here. They can’t see me so I have to hide well.
“Ashley!” he shouted again but it was a bit vague in my hearing until it was far away.
I slammed into the side and dark side of the room. Here in this room, I will hide. I will not come out of here no matter what happens so that they will never see me again. I have escaped them and I will never return no matter what happens.